I’m a Bisexual Woman On Tinder, And Here Are five Things I Learned From the Infamous App

Don’t bother attempting to keep it local — unless you’re actively following the Tegan and Sara tour bus around the country,В if you stick to a ten mile radiusВ you’re going toВ run out of fellow girls-into-girls in the area within a week. There’s a downside, tho’: in gravely desperate times, I’ve upped my radius to fifty miles, only to downright regret it when I see someone super adorable who lives in the next state over.В Nobody’s hot enough to justify driving to Alabama.

Considering the ridiculous things women are exposed to on the InternetВ in general andВ in online dating В in particular, you’d think that they would have a better idea of do’s and don’ts of this kind of communication. Or, you know, at least put some effort in beyond just "hey." But nah, turns out laziness doesn’t discriminate inbetween genders.

At least that last one wasn’t just a variation on "hello."

Guys still win for weirdest choices of opening lines however. In fact, I’d say they win very first, 2nd, and third place, because I’ve gotten some doozies.

At least they catch your attention.

Trio. Dudes love puns.

Maybe this is just my practice, but out of 500+ matches (I have gravely low standards for swiping right), I haven’t had a single woman use a pun-based pick-up line. The same can’t be said for the masculine population, tho’. May I present the evidence, your honor?

And that’s just the ones I thought were funny enough to post. Rest assured, there are many, many more puns where those came from.

Four. What to expect from people who are just "looking for friends."

You know who I’m talking about. If a dude puts in his profile that he’s looking for friends, chances are he’d like those friends to be hot and sexually available. But if a female includes that, she’s probablyВ legitimately looking for friends. I’ve had my hopes dashed many a time after swiping right on a woman’s profile, only to find that she’s just fresh in town and attempting to get someone to display her around. (I don’t stop talking to them, however, because I’m not a douche who expects hook-up in come back for being nice. Just to clarify.)

Five. YouВ will have to fend off threesome requests.

I’m not sure who embarked the stereotype that bisexual women are always down for a threesome, but I’d like to have strong, most likely insulting words with that person. None of my straight or gay friends have been propositioned for threesomesВ almost as often as the bisexual ones, and somehow I doubt it’s entirelyВ thanks to our dashing good looks and natural charisma. At one point, I was so irritated that I put a "no threesomes" clause in my profile,В and I still got threesome requests. It’s not just restricted to Tinder, either. In real life,В when women are interested in other women, there’s always at least one stud who thinks it’s all a display put on for his benefit.В Some people are polyamorous, and that’s awesome! But I’m not, so it would be super if people would stop fetishizing my sexual orientation. It makes very first dates kinda awkward.

Once you’ve learned to play the game, Tinder truly is pretty joy. What else would let me flirt with a stranger while sporting fuzzy Christmas socks and bedhead from three consecutive days of refusing to brush my hair? When they begin letting me into bars like that, I’ll consider leaving the Library of Solitude again. Until then, you’ll have to excuse me. I have a pile of threesome propositions to reject.

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