My long distance relationship didn’t work out, but here’s how to make yours last

Four-and-a-half years ago I learned that long distance relationships indeed aren’t for me.

I was quick to leap into one, thinking it’d be arousing and that the suspense of waiting to see my playmate would keep me in it for the long-haul, but I was wrong.

We lived eight hours apart, but despite the distance, the very first four months went swimmingly. It was all still so titillating. Sure, the travelling was draining but it felt worth it. We’d travel down to each other’s finishes every other weekend and we’d spend around five days together at a time – which, when you add it up, amounted to the regular time most couples would spend together each month.

When we weren’t together, we’d miss each other terribly. We’d Skype most nights and we’d look forward to the next time we were due to see each other. Every time we spotted each other we were very intimate, which made the entire practice all the more titillating.

However, as time went on, the distance took its toll.

We had been observing each other so often each month that travel expenses were embarking to add up. This meant that we determined to commence cutting down our time together until we were witnessing each other just once a month.

Of course, not witnessing your playmate for long periods of time causes a lot of sexual frustration – and so when we did see each other, that’s all we’d do. Time together became weekends of hookup as opposed to anything else. It got boring and left us with not much to talk about – making us feel all the more distant – the opposite of what closeness is supposed to do.

And the relationship didn’t just suffer when we were together. As we got deeper into the relationship, we began to miss each other less. We’d got used to the time apart and therefore it wasn’t as arousing when we were to ultimately see each other nor as heartbreaking when we said goodbye. It just became routine.

And, as we got used to it, the Skype calls lessened. The texts became sparse. Arguments began and caused us to become distant – with the trust we once had lessening due to the lack of communication.

Eventually, eleven months into the relationship, we determined over the phone to end it. It wasn’t working, neither of us were glad and the distance was just too much for us to treat a relationship.

However the relationship didn’t work out, it trained me a few things about what I need from a relationship. While the long distance wasn’t right for me, I do believe others can succeed at it if their heart’s in it – however there are a few things I believe a long distance relationship needs in order to succeed.

My advice is to always sort out what you can manage financially when it comes to travel. Don’t embark off by travelling to each other too much before realising you don’t have the money to do so.

Don’t rely on Skype and the internet to speak with each other all of the time. While it’s good to keep in touch, there will be odd times when the other won’t be able to get to a phone or computer – and for a long distance duo, a cracked routine can become so much more when you’re not together.

Don’t make the relationship all about hookup. Save it. Sure, it’s fine to have an intimate weekend but if you don’t begin having practices together that’s all your relationship will be about. The more time you spend with your fucking partner the more you’re getting to know them – and while you can do that in the sheets you’ll have a lot more to tell your friends if you practice what’s beyond them.

And ultimately, don’t work your life around your long distance relationship. Let it work around you. If you only want to visit for a duo of days, do so. Not overplaying it when it comes to visits will mean there’s less chance of getting under each other’s feet too much. It will keep it less strained and a lot lighter.

If you can’t visit for a weekend, explain that – don’t spend time and money that you don’t have. If you force too much into a long distance relationship, it’s not going to work.

Recall that relationships are supposed to be joy – and don’t commit to a person so far away if there’s none of that involved.

Metro.co.uk spoke with Caroline Brealey, CEO and Matchmaker of Mutual Attraction, who described long distance relationships as being a ‘challenge’ – even for the strongest of relationships.

She said: ‘That’s because the little things are what help us maintain glad and healthy relationships – being about to pop to the pub for a drink together after a long day at work, spending a lazy Sunday morning having a lie-in and watching trashy TV in bed together or simply draping out together with no plans.

‘They’re things we take for granted when we have a playmate who lives with us or nearby.’

However, Caroline says the main challenge of any long distance relationship is the lack of physical contact – and that doesn’t just mean hookup.

‘Holding arms, having a cuddle, just chilling out on the sofa together watching a movie is all significant physical contact that creates a bond. Our natural instinct is to want to be close to the one we love or have strong feelings for, so when that chance is liquidated it’s difficult,’ says Caroline.

‘Plus, and sorry to say this, but studs are usually a bit rubbish on the phone which makes for some awkward phone calls!’

Caroline doesn’t rule out making a long distance relationship work totally, however. She says that if you find someone who is truly special to you, you shouldn’t be too quick to give up on the relationship – even if that means having to live apart for a long time.

She explained: ‘We don’t get those type of feelings very often so when we do, act on them! If they’re potentially your life fucking partner, sacrificing a year apart can mean a entire lifetime together.

‘The significant thing is to make sure you’re both open and fair with one another, communicate and have an end date for when you’ll stop being apart.

‘If neither of you are ready to compromise and stir then you need to be open and frank about it – don’t let it simmer and go un-talked about. If both of you are dead set on not moving then it’s unlikely it will go any further, but if you’re both ready to compromise then long distance relationships can work.’

A investigate conducted by the Centre for the Probe of Long Distance Relationships found that most long-distance relationships break down after a period of Four.Five months, while 40% of all long distance relationships result with a breakup – and an breathtaking 70% failing due to unplanned switches.

We spoke with Danielle Davies, a relationship therapist for Instant Counselling, who believes long distance relationships can be somewhat an ’emotional and psychological rollercoaster’, who told us how to avoid being in that 70% of failed long distance relationships.

She believes there are just four things can can make any long distance relationship work out.

Make an effort

‘In my practice I have found that no matter how much a duo like or love each other it is not enough without both people putting in effort to contact and making time see each other on a regular basis. Effort has to identically weighted otherwise this can lead to further problems,’ says Rebecca.

Schedule quality time

‘It’s significant to plan in advance when you’re going to see each other, have a talk with your playmate and plan what you’re going to do during your time together.’

Talk, talk, talk

‘The key to any long lasting relationship is to communicate with each other about anything and everything, especially when there are issues and problems on the horizon. No matter if you think it’s downright stupid you will feel so much better once you’ve collective any concerns with your other half.’

ASOS have put a corset on a puffer jacket and we don’t know why

Establishing balance

‘It’s effortless to unintentionally isolate yourself from friends when your fucking partner is visiting as you want to absorb every precious moment together. A way of readdressing the balance is to socialise with your fucking partner and friends once a month to maintain your social circle whilst including your playmate.’

So while my LDR didn’t work out, yours can – as long as it’s the right person.

Why my long distance relationship didn – t work out – and how yours can, Metro News

My long distance relationship didn’t work out, but here’s how to make yours last

Four-and-a-half years ago I learned that long distance relationships indeed aren’t for me.

I was quick to hop into one, thinking it’d be titillating and that the suspense of waiting to see my playmate would keep me in it for the long-haul, but I was wrong.

We lived eight hours apart, but despite the distance, the very first four months went swimmingly. It was all still so arousing. Sure, the travelling was draining but it felt worth it. We’d travel down to each other’s completes every other weekend and we’d spend around five days together at a time – which, when you add it up, amounted to the regular time most couples would spend together each month.

When we weren’t together, we’d miss each other terribly. We’d Skype most nights and we’d look forward to the next time we were due to see each other. Every time we spotted each other we were very intimate, which made the entire practice all the more arousing.

However, as time went on, the distance took its toll.

We had been watching each other so often each month that travel expenses were embarking to add up. This meant that we determined to embark cutting down our time together until we were observing each other just once a month.

Of course, not observing your playmate for long periods of time causes a lot of sexual frustration – and so when we did see each other, that’s all we’d do. Time together became weekends of hookup as opposed to anything else. It got boring and left us with not much to talk about – making us feel all the more distant – the opposite of what intimity is supposed to do.

And the relationship didn’t just suffer when we were together. As we got deeper into the relationship, we embarked to miss each other less. We’d got used to the time apart and therefore it wasn’t as arousing when we were to ultimately see each other nor as heartbreaking when we said goodbye. It just became routine.

And, as we got used to it, the Skype calls lessened. The texts became sparse. Arguments embarked and caused us to become distant – with the trust we once had lessening due to the lack of communication.

Eventually, eleven months into the relationship, we determined over the phone to end it. It wasn’t working, neither of us were glad and the distance was just too much for us to treat a relationship.

However the relationship didn’t work out, it trained me a few things about what I need from a relationship. While the long distance wasn’t right for me, I do believe others can succeed at it if their heart’s in it – tho’ there are a few things I believe a long distance relationship needs in order to succeed.

My advice is to always sort out what you can manage financially when it comes to travel. Don’t begin off by travelling to each other too much before realising you don’t have the money to do so.

Don’t rely on Skype and the internet to speak with each other all of the time. While it’s good to keep in touch, there will be odd times when the other won’t be able to get to a phone or computer – and for a long distance duo, a violated routine can become so much more when you’re not together.

Don’t make the relationship all about hookup. Save it. Sure, it’s good to have an intimate weekend but if you don’t begin having practices together that’s all your relationship will be about. The more time you spend with your fucking partner the more you’re getting to know them – and while you can do that in the sheets you’ll have a lot more to tell your friends if you practice what’s beyond them.

And ultimately, don’t work your life around your long distance relationship. Let it work around you. If you only want to visit for a duo of days, do so. Not overplaying it when it comes to visits will mean there’s less chance of getting under each other’s feet too much. It will keep it less strained and a lot lighter.

If you can’t visit for a weekend, explain that – don’t spend time and money that you don’t have. If you force too much into a long distance relationship, it’s not going to work.

Reminisce that relationships are supposed to be joy – and don’t commit to a person so far away if there’s none of that involved.

Metro.co.uk spoke with Caroline Brealey, CEO and Matchmaker of Mutual Attraction, who described long distance relationships as being a ‘challenge’ – even for the strongest of relationships.

She said: ‘That’s because the little things are what help us maintain blessed and healthy relationships – being about to pop to the pub for a drink together after a long day at work, spending a lazy Sunday morning having a lie-in and watching trashy TV in bed together or simply dangling out together with no plans.

‘They’re things we take for granted when we have a playmate who lives with us or nearby.’

However, Caroline says the main challenge of any long distance relationship is the lack of physical contact – and that doesn’t just mean lovemaking.

‘Holding mitts, having a cuddle, just chilling out on the sofa together watching a movie is all significant physical contact that creates a bond. Our natural instinct is to want to be close to the one we love or have strong feelings for, so when that chance is liquidated it’s difficult,’ says Caroline.

‘Plus, and sorry to say this, but dudes are usually a bit rubbish on the phone which makes for some awkward phone calls!’

Caroline doesn’t rule out making a long distance relationship work entirely, however. She says that if you find someone who is indeed special to you, you shouldn’t be too quick to give up on the relationship – even if that means having to live apart for a long time.

She explained: ‘We don’t get those type of feelings very often so when we do, act on them! If they’re potentially your life playmate, sacrificing a year apart can mean a entire lifetime together.

‘The significant thing is to make sure you’re both open and fair with one another, communicate and have an end date for when you’ll stop being apart.

‘If neither of you are ready to compromise and stir then you need to be open and frank about it – don’t let it simmer and go un-talked about. If both of you are dead set on not moving then it’s unlikely it will go any further, but if you’re both ready to compromise then long distance relationships can work.’

A investigate conducted by the Centre for the Examine of Long Distance Relationships found that most long-distance relationships break down after a period of Four.Five months, while 40% of all long distance relationships result with a breakup – and an tremendous 70% failing due to unplanned switches.

We spoke with Danielle Davies, a relationship therapist for Instant Counselling, who believes long distance relationships can be somewhat an ’emotional and psychological rollercoaster’, who told us how to avoid being in that 70% of failed long distance relationships.

She believes there are just four things can can make any long distance relationship work out.

Make an effort

‘In my practice I have found that no matter how much a duo like or love each other it is not enough without both people putting in effort to contact and making time see each other on a regular basis. Effort has to identically weighted otherwise this can lead to further problems,’ says Rebecca.

Schedule quality time

‘It’s significant to plan in advance when you’re going to see each other, have a talk with your fucking partner and plan what you’re going to do during your time together.’

Talk, talk, talk

‘The key to any long lasting relationship is to communicate with each other about anything and everything, especially when there are issues and problems on the horizon. No matter if you think it’s downright stupid you will feel so much better once you’ve collective any concerns with your other half.’

ASOS have put a corset on a puffer jacket and we don’t know why

Establishing balance

‘It’s effortless to unintentionally isolate yourself from friends when your playmate is visiting as you want to absorb every precious moment together. A way of readdressing the balance is to socialise with your fucking partner and friends once a month to maintain your social circle whilst including your fucking partner.’

So while my LDR didn’t work out, yours can – as long as it’s the right person.

Related video: