How To Break Up With Somebody In seven Steps

E verybody knows that it‘s a devastating practice to lose someone you indeed love, be it through a breakup or divorce.

We have all gone through this at least one time in our lives.

But the fact that it is also rough to be the one who leaves is something you could only know if you have experienced it.

So, the question arises – how to break up with someone?

Relationships come to an end, and the reasons why can be numerous.

They all have in common that one member of the relationship is dissatisfied and pulls back.

Maybe he has attempted for some time to adjust the relationship according to his wishes.

If this fails, he usually quits emotionally long before the actual break up.

That is often the reason why the “breakup survivor” has the impression that the “dumper” is cold-hearted — he already left mentally months ago.

How to determine if the relationship should be ended or not?

They say that violating up is hard to do

Now I know, I know that it’s true

Here are some guidelines you can take into account when considering ending a relationship:

• Does the relationship permit you to evolve according to your wishes?
• Does the relationship fulfill your needs?
• Is it possible to have goals together and achieve them?
• Does your playmate accept you as you are?
• Can you resolve conflicts together?
• Are you feeling safe in your relationship?
• Is the communication with your playmate good?

If your reaction to these questions is in the majority “no,” then it is very likely time to stir on.

So, you want to break up with your gf/beau, and you don’t know how to do this?

You’ve never done it before, or have done it wrong in the past, and you could use a helping forearm?

The very first thing you have to realize is that there is no painless way.

It just doesn’t exist.

No magical words which will take the agony away.

It will hurt them, and it may also hurt you. There is nothing you can do about this.

You can only avoid some common mistakes and make it a little lighter for them.

As you proceed reading, you are about to learn the steps on how to break up with someone the best way.

If you have made your decision, just use the following steps as a guideline.

How to break up with someone in seven steps:

1. Keep a few days distance

It is very advisable to maintain some distance from your playmate before you actually break up.

This has many advantages.

On one side, you will build up some emotional distance, which is significant to be able to go through the steps listed below.

On the other side, your playmate will sense that something is about to happen and will hopefully emotionally prepare himself.

Just cut off contact for a week before.

Do not give too much information, just say you’re busy.

Two. Attempt to be sure about your decision

I know, that’s a rough one, especially when you love the person in question, or are very close to him/her.

You’ve very likely been thinking about violating up for a long time.

You have come to the conclusion that you don’t fit together, have different expectations about life or were incapable to resolve or get to the bottom of your conflicts.

Maybe you have simply realized that you do not love your playmate.

Either way, attempt to be sure that there is no chance of getting things right again.

I wrote “try,” because I know that it’s so rough to be sure.

You can be certain of your decision if you have attempted several times to repair the relationship by attempting to talk about the problems and frictions.

To help with this decision, I suggest that you make a list of all the reasons why you want to break up and write possible solutions besides it.

Then go through your list and reflect whether or not you have done everything you could to solve the problems you’ve had.

By knowing the reasons for the imminent breakup, you will be ready for questions your playmate might ask, and they will help you to cope with the breakup yourself.

So, are you absolutely sure?

Three. Do it in person

Always talk to your playmate in person. Never use email, text messages or a letter.

I know this is tempting because it seems so much lighter, but it would also be another type of betrayal.

You owe your playmate to look him in the eye when you break up with him. It’s a question of loyalty and morality — an unwritten law.

Not to mention that it’s lighter for the person left behind to face the breakup when you tell him/her personally.

Never walk away from this painful cargo.

Four. Know what and how to say it – be ready

This is anything but effortless.

You have to be well ready — you have to know what to say in advance.

You must realize that your fucking partner is shocked.

Even if the break up announced itself a long time ago for you, it will come out of the blue for him/her.

The “no contact” before can soften this.

There can be various reactions.

Depending on the personality of your fucking partner, there can be denial, weeping, begging, aggressiveness, even manhandle.

Attempt to stay peaceful whatever happens. Never let this end in a fight.

Here is a brief guideline on how to behave when delivering the message:

• Always be understanding, no matter how your fucking partner reacts
• Say that you are sorry that things have not worked out
• Be ready for questions, look at your list of reasons before you meet
• Attempt to avoid intimate bod contact
• Be certain. If you have not been superior in your relationship, be it now
• Never be cold

Five. Always be clear that it’s unquestionably over

This is the most tricky part:

Never, ever let there be any doubt that your relationship is over.

You’ve made your decision. Stick to it whenever you talk to your playmate.

Never give any hope.

The clearer you are, the better and lighter it is for the person in the long run.

Always keep in mind: there is no painless way.

This may sound cold-hearted, but it isn’t. The earlier he/she accepts that it is over, the earlier he/she can embark the healing and separation process.

• “maybe sometime we could get together again”
• “A part of me still loves you”
• “I never loved anybody as I loved you”
• “ok, give me some time to think it over”
• “we can still be friends”

Even if all of this is true, you must not say it out noisy.

I know it is tempting sometimes to say all of this, (especially if there are still feelings from your side).

You will feel the urge to ease the ache by telling something he/she wants to hear, but this is wrong for two reasons: you are providing false hope and delaying the healing process, and you are getting off your course.

You have deliberately thought this through in step two, and you have determined to break up.

Don’t let anybody talk you out of that decision.

There simply is no way without anguish.

If you are harsh, then you show up heartless. If you are not rigid, then they will think that there is still hope.

This is a very narrow path.

Find a healthy way through the middle and stay the person you are.

6. Give an chance for closure

When you break up with someone, that person often remains in a state of shock for several days.

Often he/she cannot recall what was said during the breakup, let alone understand the causes or your reasons that led to it.

In this case, he/she will seek closure.

Here is a definition of the term “closure”:

By closure, I mean a resolving conversation about the reasons for the relationship breakup and an chance to say goodbye.

After a few days, (not longer), suggest a dialog, a conversation where you can discuss your reasons for the breakup and why you think that your relationship has been going nowhere.

Often they will ask for it themselves.

You will encounter a lot of resistance and arguments here, but that is why I asked you to make that list in step two.

Reminisce, the aim is not to make the other person understand, he/she will not, no matter what you say.

Understanding will not come until later in their recovery. Your purpose is to give the feeling of an ending and a goodbye.

Attempt to emphasize the sense of farewell by wishing them all your best for his/her life and deliberately leading to a parting.

This will not be effortless for you because the person is still close to your heart.

Reminisce: stay strong. This is significant.

7. Help them with No-Contact

The “No-Contact Rule” is one of the most significant premises for healing from a breakup.

But sometimes the urge to call or meet is so strong that many can’t fight back.

Help them with this.

Do not go to places where you might meet.

If they call or email you, keep the response brief and non-personal.

Never call, email or text message very first, not even to ask how they’re feeling.

Most of the time, the one who cracks up has to learn as well that it is over.

By following the no contact rule, you help yourself and your ex-partner.

Conclusion

Now you have a list of seven steps demonstrating how to break up with someone.

They will make the difficult task lighter for both parties.

I know that the entire process is excruciating, but please keep in mind that a cracked relationship is a deadlock.

Not only is it stopping you from living a fulfilling love life, but it can also harm your self-esteem and confidence.

Not to mention your happiness.

Once you have made the decision, act upon it.

After you have accomplished this arduous task, you are one step closer to fulfillment.

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