The Hookup Questions You Need to Ask Before You Get Married

It's true that married hookup is the best hookup . "Marriage is a bright fresh beginning that often heralds a deeper dimension of a duo's sexual relationship," says Madeleine Castellanos , M.D, hook-up therapist and author of Wanting to Want: What Kills Your Hook-up Life and How to Keep It Alive . "But it would be a mistake to think that the beginning of this relationship encompassed the totality of each person's sexual expression."

To grow your relationship, Castellanos says, "ongoing communication about your sexual self is essential." Commence with these six questions to get on the same sexual page and to "learn about each other's values and ideals," she says.

1. How often would you like to have hook-up?

Expecting your hookup drives to sync up from the begin might be a mistake. "Couples often get into a pattern of uncertainty and guilty feelings if one person seems to want lovemaking more frequently than the other — and unluckily, this is almost always unavoidable," says Castellanos. So along with asking about how often your playmate wants to get down, you should also talk over what other intimate needs you each may have, because "there is always a variation in each person's schedule, mood, energy level, and stress level," she says.

Two. How do you think having kids will affect our hookup life?

"It's so effortless to get caught up with the excitement of your lovemaking life," says Castellanos, "that most people don't stop to think about how children will affect their hook-up life ." By asking what your significant other thinks will switch post-children, you can "explore such issues as whether you think you will be dispersed or inhibited, whether you think that being a parent takes away your sexiness and sexual vitality, and also how best to develop a strategy to separate the physical requests of being a mommy from the sexual touch of a playmate," she says.

Three. What sexual fantasies might you'd like to enact one day?

Everyone has a sexual fantasy or two. But "fucking partners can be hesitant about sharing what kinds of sexual activities they would like to do" says Sari Cooper, Fresh York City-based certified lovemaking therapist and coach, "because they don't want their fucking partner to know what they have done in the past with others, they have embarrassment over their desires, or they think their fucking partner will think critically about them." It's significant to get to explore them before you tie the knot, she says, and display your playmate they can be open and fair with you.

Four. How do you feel about hookup fucktoys?

Hook-up ruts are often the result of sexual routine. So over time, "it's nice to have multitude in your lovemaking life in order to keep your brain's attention and arousal piqued," explains Castellanos. It's a good idea to get on the same page about "having hook-up in different positions as well as mixing and matching oral hook-up and manual stimulation. Lovemaking fucktoys can also be a superb addition to your lovemaking life, expanding your possibilities of your sensations and activities."

Five. What do you define as cheating?

You might be astonished to find your future spouse defines fidelity differently than you do. "This is a critical conversation to have since it lays down the foundations for the monogamy agreement," says Cooper. "Is talking online with a stranger considered infidelity? Is going to a unwrap club and getting a lap dance considered infidelity? Or getting together for a drink with a colleague? All of these questions bring up jealousy, desire, and level of monogamy you and your fucking partner need to consider before getting married."

Fact: "It's unlikely to get away from porn these days, and many people have used it in order to kick-start arousal," says Castellanos. "Unluckily, when porn is done in hiding, it can fuel feelings of avoidance and anger." To keep those awkward feelings at bay, "it's superb for couples to discuss how each of them feel about porn and what their expectations of porn use is for each individual and in the relationship so that there is transparency around this issue," she says.

The Hook-up Questions You Need to Ask Before You Get Married, Brides

The Lovemaking Questions You Need to Ask Before You Get Married

It's true that married hookup is the best hook-up . "Marriage is a bright fresh beginning that often heralds a deeper dimension of a duo's sexual relationship," says Madeleine Castellanos , M.D, hookup therapist and author of Wanting to Want: What Kills Your Hookup Life and How to Keep It Alive . "But it would be a mistake to think that the beginning of this relationship encompassed the totality of each person's sexual expression."

To grow your relationship, Castellanos says, "ongoing communication about your sexual self is essential." Commence with these six questions to get on the same sexual page and to "learn about each other's values and ideals," she says.

1. How often would you like to have lovemaking?

Expecting your hook-up drives to sync up from the commence might be a mistake. "Couples often get into a pattern of uncertainty and guilty feelings if one person seems to want lovemaking more frequently than the other — and unluckily, this is almost always unavoidable," says Castellanos. So along with asking about how often your fucking partner wants to get down, you should also talk over what other intimate needs you each may have, because "there is always a variation in each person's schedule, mood, energy level, and stress level," she says.

Two. How do you think having kids will affect our hook-up life?

"It's so effortless to get caught up with the excitement of your hookup life," says Castellanos, "that most people don't stop to think about how children will affect their hook-up life ." By asking what your significant other thinks will switch post-children, you can "explore such issues as whether you think you will be dissipated or inhibited, whether you think that being a parent takes away your sexiness and sexual vitality, and also how best to develop a strategy to separate the physical requests of being a mommy from the sexual touch of a playmate," she says.

Trio. What sexual fantasies might you'd like to enact one day?

Everyone has a sexual fantasy or two. But "playmates can be hesitant about sharing what kinds of sexual activities they would like to do" says Sari Cooper, Fresh York City-based certified lovemaking therapist and coach, "because they don't want their fucking partner to know what they have done in the past with others, they have embarrassment over their desires, or they think their fucking partner will think critically about them." It's significant to get to explore them before you tie the knot, she says, and display your playmate they can be open and fair with you.

Four. How do you feel about hook-up fucktoys?

Hook-up ruts are often the result of sexual routine. So over time, "it's nice to have diversity in your lovemaking life in order to keep your brain's attention and arousal piqued," explains Castellanos. It's a good idea to get on the same page about "having hookup in different positions as well as mixing and matching oral hookup and manual stimulation. Lovemaking fucktoys can also be a good addition to your lovemaking life, expanding your possibilities of your sensations and activities."

Five. What do you define as cheating?

You might be astonished to find your future spouse defines fidelity differently than you do. "This is a critical conversation to have since it lays down the foundations for the monogamy agreement," says Cooper. "Is talking online with a stranger considered infidelity? Is going to a de-robe club and getting a lap dance considered infidelity? Or getting together for a drink with a colleague? All of these questions bring up jealousy, desire, and level of monogamy you and your playmate need to consider before getting married."

Fact: "It's unlikely to get away from porn these days, and many people have used it in order to kick-start arousal," says Castellanos. "Unluckily, when porn is done in hiding, it can fuel feelings of avoidance and anger." To keep those awkward feelings at bay, "it's excellent for couples to discuss how each of them feel about porn and what their expectations of porn use is for each individual and in the relationship so that there is transparency around this issue," she says.

Related video: